I had some crazy dreams last night. There's no sense in trying to get a narrative out of it so I'll just tell you some of the images/sensations I got. I signed up for some program with Kat Von D where I was touring haunted houses and stuff like that. I was looking for vampires and ghosts. I never actually saw any of them but I definitely felt them. At one point, I was in a sort of bathtub, lying on the floor, and staring at the ceiling. Some kind of supernatural being was clawing its way out of the ceiling and I just layed there feeling an immense amount of fear. That entire sequence of events (touring the house) was marked by gripping fear. I also dreamt that I was taking my little brother, who is 15 years old, to the beach with Pat. We were taking the bus and I wanted to take my car. My brother was in a baby carriage. I couldn't figure out why he was sitting in it so I told him to get out. Then I told them to stay and wait for the bus while I went to the bathroom. When I walked into the bathroom, there were jars of candy placed above every sink. I'm talking about GOOD candy - snicker bars, jolly ranchers, sour worms, and even brownies. So I loaded up my purse with as much candy as I could fit into it and brought it back out to my brother and Pat. When I returned, they were waiting for me in my car (no bus, after all.) I made a big deal of taking it all out and showing it to them. I lined up the candy in rows and told them to take their pick once I was done. I also dreamt of a baby. Not just any kind of baby - a baby whose physical abnormalities is humanely impossible. Its body was a leg - its head and arms were somehow sunken into its one single leg. The skin was translucent and so I could make out the shape of its eyes and mouth under the leg. I held it to my arms and cooed at it, I was never repulsed. I was so sorry for the small leg baby. I knew that if I could just give it enough love, it would grow. Sure enough, eventually its head slowly slipped out the top of the leg. The head was pinprick small and white - ghastly white - and you could tell the baby wasn't doing very well.
Ok, so, I've been looking at dream dictionary and trying to figure this all out. "To dream of an extremely small baby, symbolizes your helplessness and your fears of letting others become aware of your vulnerabilities and incompetence. You may be afraid to ask for help and as a result tend to take matters into your own hands." Well, if that isn't appropriate, I don't know what it is. I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of decisions that I have to make and I don't know what to do about any of it. I can't ask anyone for help because this is all my doing. I'm the one who as to make these decisions and I feel like I'm bound to fuck up.
A bathroom relates to instinctual urges and a need to relieve yourself. Similarly, candy is supposed to signify self-indulgences. Perhaps my finding candy in a bathroom and stocking up on it says something about my own indulgence and how its being done in abundance. Also, a baby carriage represents longing for a family and/or a need to cater the needs of one's inner child. I think in my dream my brother was really me - how he was sitting in a baby carriage at the age of 15 years old. I think its my mind's way of telling me I need to grow up.
And as for the vampires/ghosts/fear - all a manifestation of the severe apprehension I'm experiencing on a day-to-day basis. I'm scared of what's happening to me, or what might not happen to me, and it's just really stressful. Hmm.
Monday, September 22, 2008
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